Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Knife Hands


I'm thankful for a lot of things the Marine Corps have given me but what I'm most thankful for is the mighty Knife hand. You may find yourself asking, "What is a knife hand?" Wonder no more! I will explain exactly what a knife hand is and what it does. So grab on to your seats because this is a ride you don't want to miss.

The history of the knife hand dates back to when the Marine Corps first came to existence in 1775. The basic concept of the knife hand was exactly the same as it is today. Still performed in the same manner today as it was yesteryear because we Marines are hell-bent on tradition. But the only difference is the name they called it back then. It's been said to be called many names. Here are the most common among the early era Marines: Bait Chopper, Bayonet Paw, and the Sabre. As time went by and the Marine Corps started to evolve so did the name. It has been shorten down to Knife hands. We like to keep it simple as long as it gets the point across. And trust me, knife hands get their points across. PERIOD! But even now we have different names we like to use for the special weapon. Some nick names include but not limited to are: Ginsus, The Devil's Paw, Razors, Blades of Death and (my personal favorite) Ka-Bar.

You may still be wondering what they're used for right about now. But I'm sure you have an idea of what these bad boys are used for. But if you still don't have a clue; I will shed some light for you now.

The almighty knife hand is used for un-f**king someone who is ass. In other words, correcting something and/or someone who is wrong. You're probably thinking that this is way too harsh to use on someone who is wrong. You may be right because excessive use of the knife hand may sometimes cause death. That is why only professionals are licensed to carry these lethal weapons. And the only way to get licensed for them is to go down to your nearest Marine Corps Recruiting Station and sign up and only then will you learn the secrets of the knife hand. But what's so great about the knife hand is that it's so versatile. It can be used for a number of things, not just to kill. "Like what?" you ask. Like typing for one. Yes, I typed this all out using my knife hands. Yes, I've gone through plenty of keyboards doing so but I have to keep them in pristine condition or they'll become rusty and won't do me any good. High Five's, Saluting, Karate, and the list just goes on. You can use these puppies in your everyday tasks. You name it and knife hands can do it.

I've given this presentation many times before I wrote this. And one of the questions people love to ask is "If they're so deadly, how come we haven't heard of them?" Of course you haven't heard of them but you have seen them. You may not have known at the time but you seen them alright. Hollywood has gotten a glimpse of these killing machines and has tried to imitate these on the silver screen for years now. But only to fall short of what they can actually do. Still not sure where you've seen them? Here are some popular takes of our hands of death that Hollywood tried to replicate but didn't measure up to Marine Corps standards: Edward Scissorhands, Wolverine (from X-Men) and Freddy Krueger. OOOOOOOh now you see, right? But don't let them fool you. What you see in the movies are just butter knives compared to the real thing.

You're probably shaking at the thought of seeing the real thing right now so I'm going to help you and tell you exactly how they look like. This is for your own safety. Please, if you see someone who is walking into the line of fire of these killing machines....stop them. Because if you don't, it may very well be the last time you'll see the person as you've known them.

Now, first and foremost, the likelihood of seeing this is rare outside the vicinity of Marines. So your best bet is to stay away from them. But if you must, be aware of your surroundings. Most likely Marines will leave you alone because you're just not going to fit in with the rest of the base by the way you dress and your haircut and by that we know that you're an outsider. But just because you're not one of us doesn't mean that'll stop us from unsheathing the blades. Back to the signs of imminent danger, be on the lookout for a lot of black stripes and shiny emblems on their collars. They are the most deadly. But don't slack off when you see little or no emblems on their collars because they're just as potent. They just don't have a lot of experience with it yet. Once you see them, just act normal and be courteous. They will not bother you unless you do something to upset them. But if you do make the mistake of making that person unhappy, watch their hands. VERY IMPORTANT! Don't worry if it's balled up into a fist. This is not nearly as lethal as the knives. But once the fingers are fully extended and together with the thumb along the fingers, RUN. That's the only way to save yourself because you can't block them because you will get cut.

The knife hands have been around as long as the Marine Corps and it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. It will just keep evolving with the times. The potential that this weapon has is limitless. So get used to it because they’re here for the long haul.